On the Issues: The Dynamics of Domestic Violence
Domestic violence is abusive behavior - emotional, psychological, physical, or sexual - that one person in an intimate relationship uses to control the other. It takes different forms including threats, name-calling, preventing contact with family or friends, withholding money, stalking, actual or threatened physical harm and sexual assault. Most domestic violence is committed against women by their male partners or ex-partners. It also occurs in lesbian and gay relationships and is common in teenage dating relationships. In a small number of cases, female partners abuse men, but men against their female partners perpetrate 91 to 95 percent of all adult domestic violence assaults.
People who do not understand the dynamics of abuse sometimes ask what the woman is doing to provoke such violent behavior or wonders why she doesn't just leave. Sometimes the abuser drinks or uses drugs and uses that as an excuse for his violent outbursts. Often he feels inadequate or threatened by a partner who is more socially adept or better educated. In many instances the woman has no place to go. If the abuser controls the purse strings, the woman might not have access to money. Perhaps she married someone her family did not approve of and now her family feels "you made your bed, now lie in it."
Perhaps she is just too embarrassed to let her friends and family know her situation, or perhaps she is repeating a cycle of abuse she witnessed as a child. By the time a woman has withstood abuse for any length of time, her self-esteem, and sense of reality is too distorted to allow her to make any rational decisions. Often she finally finds the will to leave if the abuse extends to her children.
In New York State, all victims of domestic violence can access emergency services including shelter, counseling, support groups, advocacy and other crisis services, regardless of income or resources. There are special protections and services for victims of domestic violence. It can be helpful to speak with someone on a hotline who understands, is not judgmental, and can present various options.